Today's Tip for Families

[En español]

03-28-2023

Reduce Conflict with a ‘No Sandwich’

Every parent knows that there are times when you just have to say no to your teen. The key is to find ways to say it without sparking a huge battle.

Try offering your teen a “no sandwich.” Say something positive before and after you say no. Your teen will still understand that you are saying no. But the positive messages may make it easier to hear.

Here’s how it works:

1. Your first statement should make it clear you really heard your teen.
2. Your second statement should give a clear no. Tell your teen why you can’t (or won’t) go along with the request.
3. Your third statement should be a positive one. Tell your teen what you will do to ease the sting.

Suppose your teen asks to use the car. Your “no sandwich” could sound like this:

• “I know that you want the car on Saturday to go meet up with your friends.
• “I need the car to run errands, so I have to say no.
• “I will be happy to let you invite your friends over here after I get back.”

Or suppose your teen asks to go to watch a movie you disapprove of. Here’s a way to say no:

• “I know you want to watch that adventure movie.
• “I have to say no because you and I both know that movie is for older teens.
• “I’d be happy to let you watch one of these other adventure movies. We can make popcorn and watch it tonight.”

Brought to you by:

Bonita Springs Middle School

[School Success Ideas for Families]

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